Senior Sunday…..not for me…..but that’s okay

Yesterday was Senior Sunday at our church. You know, the time when they recognize all the students in the youth program that are graduating. Before my older son graduated, I would always cry on Senior Sunday….thinking of when he would graduate. I was sitting with a friend at church and she asked, “Isn’t this Tanner’s age?” I had not even thought of that. I remember having the thought cross my mind several times this year…..”This would be Tanner’s senior year if he didn’t have autism”. But to be honest, that was not even on my radar as I sat down for the service.

For a moment, after she said that, I thought, “Oh, no. Here come the tears!”

But they didn’t come. And then our pastor got up and began to preach. The topic could not have been more appropriate. He asked us, “Has God ever asked you to do something that is way over your head?” I laughed to myself. “Yep, every single day of parenting Tanner!” My friend sitting next to me has a child with autism and I knew she was thinking the same thing. Our pastor talked about the graduating seniors, how difficult it would be for their parents to “let them go”, how difficult it would be for all when these children leave the nest.

“My child will never leave my nest.” That is what I was thinking. That is the part that is waaaaay over my head. What happens when Tanner is finished with school?. What will we do? I know what I WANT to do. Win the lottery and move to Colorado where Tanner and I can hike together everyday and enjoy God’s creation. The likelihood of that is slim. And so, we have to figure out what opportunities are out there for Tanner. It is OVERWHELMING to think about this. How on earth will we figure this out?

My mind was wandering in this topic but our Pastor kept on preaching. About feeding the five thousand. About 5 loaves and 2 fishes and how they ended up being more than enough to feed those who were listening to Jesus teach. About how God can do amazing things when we trust in Him to take what meager skills we have and see how He glorifies them with His power.

And somehow, I rested in these words. As the parent of a child with autism, everything is WAAAAAAAAY over my head. But God has been with me each step of the way. And whenever I have needed BIG ideas, BIG solutions to some tiny, yet gigantic issues-He has showed up BIG. He has given me a sense of creativity and problem solving. He nudges me to try things that I don’t think will work. I don’t really see any reason to doubt that in the years to come, no matter how much I worry or furrow my brow about “What will we do with Tanner?”, that God will show up at that time.

My favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11…..”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” This verse has played out in my life many times and I cling to it in regards to Tanner’s life as well. This verse is often quoted during graduation time on cards and gifts. This is not lost on me!

SO.

I’m trusting in God’s promises. AND I am trusting in my pastor’s words….. Even though I feel over my head, I know that “in the hands of Jesus, not enough is more than enough”.

Just like the bread and the fish.

Even on Senior Sunday.